Nailed to nannies? Not quite

JAIPUR: Formative years lay the foundation of a child's development, be it emotionally or psychologically. And, during this period, experts have always stressed on maximum involvement of parents with the child.
However, with families shrinking and both parents working, has the child's needs being pushed into the backdrop?
Most parents say no. A demanding lifestyle, and professionally-oriented couples don't neccessarily mean putting the child's interest in the corner, they argue.
While most say they keep a nanny or a 'maid', they also claim to spend quality time with their children. “I try to do everything, right from making his breakfast to having lunch together and taking keen interest in his studies,” says Jyoti Chauhan, an RAS officer currently serving as deputy commissioner at JDA, and a mother to a two-and-a-half-year old child.
Chauhan’s husband is a doctor at a prominent city hospital, and often has erratic work hours. “Therefore I ensure that I come home for lunch, and then try and be back from office by 6 pm. That way I have enough time to spend with my son Aditya," she adds.
Some couples, who though have employed nannies, ask for their parents' help in taking care of the child.
Cheena Puri, who teaches English at Rajasthan University, used to leave her son with her parents till he went to a pre school.
“I would leave my son Kartikeya with my parents, and the nanny would work under their supervision. That made my life a lot easier as I never had to worry about my child's safety,” says Puri, whose son is now nine years old.
Despite various arguments in favour of nuclear families, parents in Jaipur say the benefits of an extended family are just too many to ignore. In case of working parents, grandparents provide the love and care that a child needs during the growing up years.
Also leaving the child to a nanny's care for an entire day raises questions about safety and security. “I would never ever leave my child to a maid. My family will never support the idea as it's not safe,” says Puri, who also has a two-and-a-half year old daughter Narayani.
Agrees Chauhan, who says leaving her son alone with the maid does get her worked up on his security. “We have no options, but to leave our son to the maid. Though she is friendly, I often worry about my child's safety. The maid may go out to chat with someone in my absence, then no one's there to take care of my son who could sneek out of the house at that moment,” she says.
Also with grandparents keeping an eye on the child, most parents feel that the chances of the child picking a wrong habit from the maid, or going astray are almost nil.
“My daughter cherishes the relationship she has developed with her grandmother. My mother has instilled the right values in her,” says Payal Sangtani, who runs a fashion boutique in the city.
Concurs Dr D C Satija, a psychiatrist and a doting grandfather who loves taking care of his grandchildren. “Since both my sons and daughters-in-law work, we take care of them,” he says.
Satija warns against leaving the child to a nanny's care all the time. “The love and affection by a family member can never be compared to one given by a maid. In the absence of that, a child may become anxious, may suffer from lack of concentration and may go into depression,” he cautions.
Renowned psychiatrist Dr Shiv Gautam says women must strike a balance between work and motherhood. “In the first few months, it’s a biological necessity for a mother to feed her child and spend maximum time with him. Post that period, a mother's physical presence is not required all the time, but the child does need the attention and care.”
He advises that parents should try and spend maximum time with children till the age of 12 years when their abstract thinking develops.
“A child when returns home, he looks for his mother and at that time, a maid can never fill in the shoes for a mother,” he reasons.
While the importance of mothers can never be ruled out in a child's life, most women feel that it's time fathers should also shoulder some responsibility of the child.
“Families should do away with the idea of putting the entire onus of bringing up the child on the mother. If both parents agree to divide their time to attend to the child's need, one may not even need a nanny to take care of her,” feels Sangtani.